Hope and Odds

When I was 46 I thought I was going to die. My organs were failing. My right lung was compressed and scarred by fluid. I had congestive heart failure, and I wasn't sure I'd live much longer.

In the midst of that time, my experience of hope shifted dramatically. Up until then I always had a sense that I had plenty of time to do the things I wanted, and pursue my dreams. But when I started to get seriously ill, life took on a much more urgent quality.

Hope after that was much more centered in the moment, and any consideration about results or long-term benefits were now focused on what will be left after I'm gone for others to benefit from.

This video experiment has been a realization of that hope. I expect these videos to outlive me, and to be found by people who may have never known me.

I've found it impossible to make even short-term plans. It's hard to see much past this present moment, and I think I'm OK with that. Being future-focused actually removes my attention from this moment. NOt necessarily a bad thing, but I find that I'm quick to return to right now instead of dwelling on a future that may exclude me.

These questions arose in response to my video the other day about my concerns for the impact of artificial intelligence on creativity, economies, and individual sovereignty. My concern is not for myself. I don't plan to be here. But I want my son to know what it's like to have his creativity and contributions matter because they can't be replicated by an app on a phone.

I suspect worrying isn't the best way to spend this moment.

#future #hope #fear