Franklin Taggart's Unconventional Life Blog

Do you ever wake up in a funk? I did this morning. I don't know if it was interrupted sleep, lower back pain, a case of the Mondays, or what, but I was in a low state. I've gotten away from the practice of labeling emotions positive or negative. Especially in the case of emotions that are uncomfortable or uneasy, I don't think it's helpful to add another layer of judgment on top of them. A few years ago I had an insight about the relationship between emotion and the human will. Distinct from willpower, the propensity to override our habitual tendencies and take "massive action", the human will is more like an energy management system. It monitors our energy levels and gives us data to make decisions about what we can commit to doing. Emotions are the language of will. When we have emotional states we consider low, it's because they reflect a lower level of energy. Anger is like the light that goes off when you're about to run out of gas. "Urgent m...

A young boy loved stones, and had a burgeoning collection. On hikes with his dad he would fill his pockets and backpack until they were brimming with rocks of every shape and size. He loved collecting rocks so much that he asked his mother to sew him a special outfit just for rock collecting. He asked her to make him a pair of pants with six pockets on each leg, and a shirt with four pockets on each sleeve and three on each side of his buttons. When his mother had finished her sewing, he immediately put on his new togs and ran to the door, slamming it in haste. He sped to the trail behind their house, and began to find every rock that he could, slipping them one by one into each of his many pockets. When all of his pockets were completely filled, he opened his back pack and began to stuff it, too. Gradually his load became heavy to the point that he had to stumble beneath the weight. He decided to take the shortcut home, so that he would be able to take his new additions for his collec...

Trauma. The relationship ends, the baby dies, the firing happens, the illness takes over, the collectors call, the accidents happen, the abuse, crime, and calamity all take their toll. The nervous system goes into hyper-protective mode, senses heighten, adrenaline courses through the body, focus narrows, and for the time being, my defenses are up. Strangely enough, the pain doesn't arrive until later. When the dust has settled, and I'm left alone to process what has happened, then the pain comes. My mind is flooded with thinking - thinking about the loss, thinking about an unknown future, thinking about who's to blame, thinking about revenge, thinking about how I can manipulate the Universe, thinking about putting a gun to my own head. All this thinking keeps the pain alive, and feeds it. Behavior becomes impulsive. I yell at my kid, I curse at my wife, I become self righteous, I power up, I justify my actions because I'm in pain. My compulsions ultimately become futile...