Hope and Odds
When I was 46 I thought I was going to die. My organs were failing. My right lung was compressed and scarred by fluid. I had congestive heart failure, and I wasn't sure I'd live much longer. In the midst of that time, my experience of hope shifted dramatically. Up until then I always had a sense that I had plenty of time to do the things I wanted, and pursue my dreams. But when I started to get seriously ill, life took on a much more urgent quality. Hope after that was much more centered in the moment, and any consideration about results or long-term benefits were now focused on what will be left after I'm gone for others to benefit from. This video experiment has been a realization of that hope. I expect these videos to outlive me, and to be found by people who may have never known me. I've found it impossible to make even short-term plans. It's hard to see much past this present moment, and I think I'm OK with that. Being future-focused actually removes my att